I had the privilege of reading someone else's blog yesterday. Perusing her thoughts and experiencing life through her eyes. It was such a refreshing reminder that our journey is not one that was meant for us to experience alone. As I read her confessions I realized that at some point I had felt the emotions she was writing about and a lot of them were feelings and ideas that I was experiencing in my present.
Having my own issues and questions about how this thing called life is supposed to go is difficult sometimes. It's a good reminder that there are others who strive for greatness experiencing what we are. And it is even more rewarding to be reminded by someone else's hand of the mark of excellence that we strive for daily.
You see this week, I've been questiong AGAIN whether I am supposed to stick this mortgage slump out. It's been grueling and I think surely God does not want me to be this broke... And then I remember that when things were doing extremely well, I counted it a blessing to have found a career that was rewarding both monetarily and in seeing the fruits of my labor. So why then have I been doubting that this is not what I'm supposed to be doing. Surely, I knew when I began this journey that money could not be the sole benefit, because I was fully aware of the fluctuating income...feast or famine in this business. Sometimes a perk, sometimes a pain. I've been getting emails from friends who are moving on with their careers...some leaving the mortgage industry (even if temporarily) to find financial relief in the protection of a 9-5. And I've had mixed emotions. Sometimes thinking that it would be smart to jump ship, I'm still young..I could find something new and exciting and rewarding. But I'm not a quitter. I always end up feeling like I would ultimately be a failure for throwing away the almost 5 years that I've invested into this business. And I haven't come this far to give up now, declining subrpime market or not. So, there in lies my dilemma.
I've prayed and asked God to give me direction, to order my steps so that I am not foolishly staying in too long or hastily making a rash decision. I know where MY heart is, but I yearn to follow HIS heart..his perfect will for my life. While pondering what I think is the hugest and most urgent decision of my life, I am quietly reminded by the thoughts of others. That one, we are not in this alone and two, sometimes I need to be still and know that He is God. The answers I seek, he wishes for me to have. But after I pray I jump right up and expect I guess to be offered the next day an Exclusive Position with the United States Government that only I can fill with a ridiculously lucrative salary. RIGHT! Maybe I just need to be still and wait on the Lord. He will direct my path.
"time to not look back - to throw off any and everything that hinders and to run with all that I have toward that for which I have been created, called, and pre-destined.
time to chase the wind.
this storm... Jesus speaks and He says: Peace. Be still.
And there is stillness - even in motion. And there is peace, even in the knowledge of things to come."
When I read this yesterday I was comforted. Reminded by her words that our steps are ordained. That I need not be weary or faint, the Lord knows my heart and he will guide me in the direction that he wants me to take. Regardless of what is happening around me, of the jobs that others are taking or not, of the industry that economists say will take months to recuperate. I am privileged enough to have a Father who will ensure that I am ok. He promised me. I just have to believe in that promise.
I was reminded yesterday that we are all connected somehow, and God uses us as vessels to uplift each other. What a great responsibility we have to Him and to one another.