Sunday, June 17, 2007

The Best Me

As most of you know my birthday was last Sunday June 10th and I crossed that "nother year" mark hopefully with a clearer head and goals that are closer to obtainable. I have long ago decided that 30 was the year that was going to mark my real START of living. I had a conversation with a very close confidante of mine who confirmed that the 20's are the decade of profundity (yes, I had to look it up too..even after figuring out the root word, thanks to 6th and 7th grade Latin with Mr. Beretta) and once you make all the foolish mistakes that you are prone to make, then you will really start living in the 30's. (so thank you Candace, that really hit home with me, after all these years it still resonates in my spirit).

After that revelation however, ironically, I decided to go on vacation. Let me start from the beginning. Those that I've kept in close contact with me know that I constantly say that I'm working. And I fear that people think that I say that because I don't want to really discuss the "other" things going on in my life. (haha as if there are OTHER things going on in my life right now)...and THAT my friend, is the problem. If and when I have contact with friends or family members that I haven't seen in quite a while they ask the age old "what have you been up to" and the quickest and most truthful response that I can muster is...WORK.

And its the truth. I have been working from 10 am to 8 or 9 pm for about 4 months straight now. And although I know it will pay off and I know that it's time to work hard...sometimes I feel like I'm losing the rest of me. My career is something that is extremely important to me...I don't want to lose out on family (close relationships) or interests or hobbies that I haven't pursued yet..(cooking classes, I always said that I would get my great-grandmother to teach me how to knit and I want to take up the guitar/piano and Italian and maybe go scuba diving)...Or lose out on places that I'd like to go because I spend my whole life working. It is indeed respectable work and work that makes me feel like an integral part of society, but it's work none the less. I want to be a well-rounded me. Someone who has the opportunity to LIVE, not just work.

So when I decided to take this vacation it was a big decision, it was spontaneous but also well thought out. It was the first break I'd had in a VERY LONG TIME. Not only was it well deserved but it was timely. I'm glad that I took a moment to step back and remember the other things that were important to me. And when I speak of the best me, sure it means the loan officer that closes the most loans and the one who is the most consistent but it also means being the happiest me. The me who can be even more supportive to those who have been good to me. The me who wants to adopt a kid and move to a bigger city (DC, I have wanted to relocate there for a while now and explore that gorgeous and historic city) and buy a small vacation home not too far from there. The best me is smart and decisive, frugal and consistent, supportive and altruistic. I needed that break to recognize ALL my goals. Even the ones that get hidden sometimes in the long work hours.

I guess my message tonight is whatever you imagined that you could do, you STILL CAN. I turned 28 and I decided that I'm not waiting for 30 to live. 30 has always the been that magic number for me. The year when I REALLY LIVE (whatever that means)...as if I'm not living now. I'm gonna do whatever it takes today to move my life forward, whether it be a vacation, or signing up for culinary school (not because I can't cook, but because I enjoy it when I actually have time to do it) or actually filling out the adoption application or paying off those last few student loans on my credit report that need to be taken care of. I am ready TO LIVE. TODAY. AT 28. I'm ready to be THE BEST ME.

1 comment:

Wynter said...

Ok so the whole time I was reading this I could not get pass the fact that I did not realize you were 2 years older then me...hahaha and then I get to the end and that I am not nuts and you really are 28 like I thought!!!! I am slow...haha :-)